MAKING MARRIAGE WORK
Presented on KSTG – FM (97.1)
Monday – Saturday – 12:20 pm
Beginning August 4, 1980
By Manly Luscombe
Radio sponsored by
Shady Acres Church of Christ
1440 Ables Road
Sikeston, Missouri
This outline is based on the book
“MARRIAGE IS FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD - - AND ONE ANOTHER”
By Thomas B. Warren
PART 1
WHY A STUDY ON MARRIAGE?
1. Important
a. Lives, security, nation, broken homes
b. Climbing divorce rate
c. Many live together without marriage
2. God has laws
a. Matthew 19:3-9
b. Matthew 5:31-33
c. Romans 7:1-3
d. 1 Corinthians 7
3. Consequences
a. To self
b. To relatives
c. To partner
d. To friendships
e. To nation
f. To children
g. To moral fiber
4. Children result
a. Our greatest natural resource
b. Their world must be better than this
5. Family of bride and groom
a. Parents, grandparents, aunt and uncle, cousins, family name
b. Training, discipline, bring sorrow, shame, heartache
6. Community and Nation
a. Proverbs 14:34
b. 2 Chronicles 7:14
c. Psalm 33:12
7. Current efforts to destroy the home and marriage
a. Communism
b. ERA
c. Liberal theology
d. Humanism
e. Pornography
f. Abortion
8. Easy divorce
a. 48 states have “no fault” divorce
b. “Do I have grounds for a divorce?” Lawyer: “If you are married, you have grounds.”
9. Lower moral standard
a. Live together without marriage
b. Homosexual
c. Communes
d. Open marriages
10. Other institutions taking over
a. Day care centers
b. Church
c. Courts
d. Schools
e. Media – TV, movies, music
PART 2
PURPOSES IN MARRIAGE
1. Human companionship – Genesis 2:20-25
2. Propagate he race – Genesis 1:27-28
3. Develop a loving atmosphere
a. Family
b. Social
c. Man / woman
4. Prevent immorality – 1 Corinthians 7:2
5. Help each other grow spiritually
a. Ephesians 5:22-23
b. 1 Peter 3:7
c. Genesis 2:18
PART 3
BUT YOU PROMISED
1. But you promised – the vow
a. Mistaken views
i. Only a legal trifle – Romans 13:1-5; Titus 3:1
ii. Only involves a man and woman – nobody’s business if the vow is broken
iii. Joining two angels – no faults, “Love is blind”
iv. Expect trouble is coming – and it is
v. Just obey the civil law – God bless this nation
b. The Vow includes:
i. The Lord Himself – Matthew 19:6
ii. Community and nation
iii. Families of bride and groom
iv. Children yet to be born
v. Yourself – promise to leave and cleave
c. A Typical Vow
i. Do you take this woman
1. Voluntarily – not forced, your choice
2. Commitment – for life
ii. Lawful wedding wife
1. Meeting the legal requirements
2. Meeting the Biblical demands
iii. To have and to hold
1. 1 Corinthians 7:2-4
2. Privilege
3. Liberty
4. Responsibility
iv. From this day forward
1. Permanency
2. God hates divorce – Malachi 2:16
v. To live together after God’s ordinance
1. Governed by the will of God
vi. To love her
1. Ephesians 5;25
2. Titus 2:4
3. Love = seek what is best for another
4. Sacrificially – Luke 5:11
5. Willfully – John 14:15; 15:14
6. Deliberately
7. Absolutely
vii. Honor – 1 Peter 3:7
viii. Cherish – to hold dear – Ephesians 5:28-29
2. These things are promised at times of:
a. Sickness and health
b. Prosperity and adversity
c. Happiness and sorrow
3. Keep yourself to her / him alone
a. To her / him – positive
b. Alone – restrictive
4. As long as you both shall live
a. Not: get along, compatible, till someone else comes along
b. Romans 7:1-4
c. Matthew 19:1-9
5. Ring Vow
a. I pledge my faith
b. And my love
c. With all my worldly goods
d. And with my heart’s affection
e. I thee endow
6. Other things involved
a. Emotional support
b. Pray together
c. Spiritual needs
d. Material needs
e. Plan together
f. Communicate
PART 4
FACTORS IN FAILURE
1. We fail as persons
a. Not mature, not ready
b. Separate section on the immature
2. Fail to understand the commitment
3. Immaturity – many still need to grow up
a. Children – dependence
b. Adolescence – seeking independence
c. Maturity – inter-dependence
d. Mature – more blessed to give than receive Acts 20:35
4. Selfish – Philippians 2:1-5
5. Unfair and harsh criticism
a. Spend time looking for the good – Philippians 4:8
b. Proverbs 9:8
c. Matthew 16:22
6. Lack of sensitivity
a. Sensitivity is good, too often we are harsh, cold, careless
b. We need compassion, learn to be sensitive
c. Other side of the coin - criticism
i. Is it true – Philippians 3:12-13
ii. Attitude toward them? Enemy or friend?
iii. How would you react? Anger, self-pity
7. Inner conflicts
a. Internal civil war, torn apart on the inside
b. Study Matthew 5:1-13
8. Lack of trust
a. Jealousy – Psalm 79:5
b. Be worthy of trust – James 5:12
9. Ignorance of differences
a. Genesis 1:26
b. 1 Peter 3:7
c. Emotional makeup
10. Fail to be kind, courteous, thoughtful – Ephesians 4:31-32
a. 1 Corinthians 13
b. Revelation 2:4
c. We treat worst those we ought to treat best.
d. Little girl prayed, Help mommy treat us the way she treats other people.
11. Fail to resolve conflicts, forgive – Luke 17:3-5
a. Go to the person – in love – tell them the fault
b. Ephesians 4:26
c. Family concerns – talk it out – don’t let it boil
12. Financial problems – Romans 13:8
a. Inflation, unemployment, rising costs hit us all
b. Over spending, easy credit – hard to pay
c. Husband fails to show responsibility for family
d. Too much money, too little control, easy credit, high bills
13. Not united in Christ
a. In Christ – 2 Corinthians 5:17; Romans 6:3-4; Galatians 3:26-27
b. Together in church
c. Family that prays together stays together.
d. Teach children to marry a Christian.
14. Lack love
a. Husbands – Ephesians 5:25
b. Wives – Titus 2:4
c. Say it – out loud
d. Love – seeking their best – not a feeling
15. Fail to fill your role in the home
a. Husband – head – take the lead
b. Wife – submit – be a help meet
c. Husbands fail to lead – Wife takes charge
d. With both working – household duties must be arraigned, discussed
e. Many homes are single parent
f. Broken homes lead to shattered lives
PART 5
MAKING MARRIAGE WORK
1. What BOTH can do
a. Be of Christian character
b. Love each other
c. Longsuffering with partners weaknesses
d. Expect your love to grow
e. Marriage is primarily a spiritual relationship
f. Expect great things
g. Wait until you are mature
h. We must leave father and mother
i. Avoid little quarrels – Big ones will take care of themselves
2. 10 RULES FOR ARGUING
a. Only one argument a day
b. Only one subject can be discussed in any one argument
c. No argument can last longer than 30 minutes
d. The one who starts the argument can not walk out of the room.
e. Nothing more than 2 weeks old can be brought up
f. No argument within 1 hour after rising or 2 hours before bedtime
g. No violence
h. No profanity
i. Holler as long as it can not be heard by anyone except your spouse
j.
The argument can not be a meal time
k. Fight for – not against – each other
l. Be in good humor at all times
m. Do some things together
n. Learn to compromise, “Give and take”
3. What the HUSBAND can do
a. Continue the courtship after marriage
i. Gifts for no reason
ii. Revelation 2:4 – do not leave your first love
b. Express appreciation
c. Stop complaining
d. Be a real leader
e. Show interest in the home
f. Understand her emotional makeup
g. Tell her she is essential to your happiness
h. Don’t burden her with business burdens
4. What the WIFE can do
a. Let the husband continue the courtship
b. Make the house attractive – worth coming home to
c. Tell him you love him
d. Identify with life of husband
e. Be trustworthy – not sneaky
f. Know your role in the marriage
g. Understand your husband’s emotional makeup
h. Don’t greet husband with problems of your day
i. Build husband’s confidence
PART 6
MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR THE IMMATURE
1. Man has five ages
a. Chronological – 50
b. Physical – 40
c. Intellectual – 60
d. Emotional – 30
e. Spiritual – 10
f. We must recognize immaturity in ourselves – Luke 18:9-14
2. Marks of Immaturity
a. Selfishness
b. Ingratitude
c. Demand to have one’s own way
d. Little sense of responsibility or obligation
e. Usually fail to finish what they start
i. Jobs, move, quit
ii. Short attention span
f. Unable to handle conflicts with control
g. More blessed to receive
h. Has a poor way to be loved or to get love
3. Marks of Maturity
a. Independence
b. Christian attitude toward sex
c. Willingness to make the other person happy
d. Feeling of gratitude instead of self-pity
e. Filled with Christian love
f. Have the high goal for human life
PART 7
MAKING MARRIAGE CHRISTIAN
1. Both should be Christians
a. Scriptures
i. 1 Corinthians 7:39
ii. 2 Corinthians 6:14
iii. Deuteronomy 1-4
iv. 1 Kings 11:3-4
b. Soul
i. 49 marry non-Christians
ii. 28 leave the church
iii. 9 convert their mate
iv. 12 attend church alone
c. Home
i. Can’t talk about religion or faith
ii. Can’t discuss what is most important
d. Children
i. Divide their loyalty
ii. Best way to raise an infidel
2. Both must serve God
3. Both must love God and each other